Divorce is something that most people never think they will have to go through. When they get married, they assume they will be with that person for the rest of their life. When the breakup of a marriage is inevitable, it is a shock to the system. A person feels like they are wandering aimlessly, confused and sometimes scared.
Some good advice on divorce and separation is to remember that what has happened is not one person’s fault. It is easy to play the blame game and absolve yourself of any wrongdoing, but telling yourself that the other person is totally responsible will only prevent you from moving forward emotionally. It will keep you stuck in a bad place and block out future happiness from happening.
That being said, taking a gentle and careful look at yourself and your own actions is something that will help you move on as well. If you are able to recognize where you might have gone wrong as well as where you went right, you give yourself an opportunity for growth, and this becomes a basis for new and healthy relationships, not necessarily just romantic, but all kinds. Doing this can also help you come to terms with your marriage.
It is very difficult to start going through life on your own when you are used to sharing it with someone. Even if you were miserable in your marriage, you still had someone there that you were attached to. This is especially difficult if you have never been on your own before. However, going at it by yourself is totally possible and can be a fun adventure. Reminding yourself that you are capable of flying solo is important. There is a freedom that comes with divorce; it just needs to be embraced.
Another piece of advice on divorce and separation is to remember that you are not a failure. Do not be worried about what other people think; it only matters what you think. Marriages break up every day and those around you will not think less of you because yours is ending. Sometimes marriages just simply don’t work out and it doesn’t mean that you failed because yours didn’t.
Talking to other people who have gone through a divorce is a very helpful thing. Some people have trouble opening up and talking about personal things or feelings but doing so with someone who has lived through it will allow you to get good advice and also give you a sounding board for your own concerns. There are people everywhere who have felt the same emotions and had the same concerns as you and reaching out to them will help you move through it.
Acceptance is key in coping with divorce. Whether it was your choice or not, it is very real and is not going to disappear into thin air. Accepting that your life is changing permanently is the key, and failing to do so will keep you trapped in an unhappy place with no option to feel better. Try to focus on the positives, whatever they may be (new house? new car? ability to eat in the living room?) and doing so will help it to become more real.
Remember to stay positive. New and exciting things are awaiting you in your new life, and the only way to find them is to go with the flow and move forward on a constant basis. The feelings you are feeling are normal and they will pass, giving way to happiness.
